I am chronically exhausted. Aside from the doctor's diagnosis of hyperventilation, I do feel the tension in my head, neck, throat and back. Its so tense that I feel some veins might snap anytime.
I am also learning to manage my pain and panic better. I am taught by my spouse not to panic when I feel breathless. It worked the other day.
Im exhausted but my head could not stop thinking, thinking and thinking. Will I ever reach 34?
I really miss you, Mummy. Things have changed around here. I've been thinking about you alot! Was that you in my dreams lately?
-BlogPress-Wow. After 8 years of marriage, these 3-roses are my FIRST from him. I have thanked the husband. I shall treasure it because the chances of getting them again are odds. Hah.
Women. Im one of them. Hah.
On Saturday, at around 10.40pm; 30th October 2010, Mummy, Hjh Salbiyah Binte Hj Abdul Hamid, has moved on. She passed away, and deeply I hope; peacefully.
No doubt it was a matter of time, but Mum parished earlier than expected.
It was her 20th day in High Dependency Ward 57. As her oncologist and counsellors from National Cancer Centre told me that morning, she is, in all sense of word, a determined fighter. Dr John has clearly explained to me that Mum was experiencing the final stage of endometrial mastitis. How long more? I asked. He said, "TWO months and it could be longer". I was pleased to learned from Dr John that Mummy was one strong patient who listened to her doctors. She also thought highly of the healthcare workers - the nurses, who have cared for her. Mum built good rapport with them. For the 4 years she was developing symptoms (since 2006), Mum had been lucky and diligently turned to Allah and family for comfort and cure.
I guess it was time. We already knew that, yes, she was in final stage. Yes, it will be a matter of months or days. We braced ourselves for this moment, since 2006. Even before the diagnosis of cancer took place (Feb 2010). So when Mum was told she has 4 months to live (that was in April), I was confident she could beat that prediction. She did it again. Mum lived for another two good months.
I feel pain everytime I miss her. But when I think it through, I should be thankful to Him for whatever that has been decided. He is All-Knowing. Mum is relieved from all pain and sufferings in this world.
Rest in peace, my beautiful Mummy. You will always be in my prayers. I am blessed to be your one and only daughter, and I hope Allah will grant my doas for you. Insha Allah.
