Saturday, December 15, 2007

How does it feel?... Your loved one is dying

Lately, I am saddened by news that people I know, are either suffering or has perished from cancer.

Aunty Rabiah, a very very very kind and generous neighbour and a family friend, died from stomach cancer a week before Ramadhan. She was in her 40s and was diagonosed about 3 years back. Her wish to see her eldest girl Alia to be married was fulfilled. Alia was 24. The wedding for Alia was "expected", because Aunty Rabiah has a sister who died just a few years back; this sister didnt live long enough to witness her own one-and-only daughter's wedding.

How did Alia feel? Knowing mum has cancer and was uncertain then, but went on getting married?

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Last Sunday, made my way to Mahkota Medical Centre in Malacca to visit Uncle Hasanuddin. During Ramadhan, we got a call from Aunty Minah, telling us that Uncle Hasan's right knee has swollen double the size, it was so bad that he couldn't walk. How did that happened? "He knocked onto the edge of a table". On 2nd of December, they transit at Pergam, planning for one night stay. By then, his condition has worsened, he was coughing out blood. Ayah drove them to MMC that very same night. Imagine that- just a knock on the table, and can't walk for more than a month.

With all that suffering comes this news: Uncle Hasan was diagnosed third stage of lung cancer - hence, the coughs; doctor 'gave' him 4 to 5 months to live. He has a slim chance to recover. As for the leg, the cancer has spread down to his leg. The latest update I had was, he undergone a surgery to correct the joints on his right leg. He can now walk, and will be discharged today. From Malacca, they are staying for a night at Pergam, before taking a ferry back to Kuala Tungkal. Indonesia.

Oh, and he is not aware he has cancer and was 'given' 4-5 months to live.

Aunty Minah has requested that Uncle Hasan not know about this.

How does it feel? Knowing your husband has 4 to 5 months to live?

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Aunty Norbi, passed away on Friday, 14/12/2007, with husband, children and grandchildren present. She was 61. A nice lady too. I see her during Hari Raya and at relatives' weddings. I remembered Aunty Norbi helping out in packing my wedding berkats days before my wedding.

I was told that hers was liver cancer.

I was also told that doctor has informed the family to keep vigil as in her case, it was "anytime".

Mummy went to visit on Wednesday and shared with us that, she was just "waiting for time". Ayah went on Thursday, and told me that the family is arranging to move her to a single-bed ward. Eventually, they brought her home on Thursday night. She passed away Friday night.

How does it feel? When you have to sit by your mother's death bed? Knowing that it is "anytime"?

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Mummy has been having cough for the past one week. When she coughs, it sounded "bronchitis" to me. Two days ago, she started to cough out blood too. She is breathless, her ankles are bigger probably due to water retention. She insisted on going to the hospital tomorrow, as she has appointment at the Peritoneal Dylasis clinic. In Mummy's case, clearly no issues on life-span. She is suffering from diabetes and failing kidneys. Is she dying too? Like Uncle Hasan?

"Kau nak percaya pada doctor atau percaya pada Allah"?

How do I feel? How do I feel? Allah, please give me strengths

4 comments:

madame blossom said...

:(

I guess it's quite important to realise that we are ALL not going to stay here for long. 'Anytime' is actually for anyone kan.. you know..ajal dah ditentukan by Allah SWT.

I sometimes feel that a person who has cancer - ada 'advantage' sikit - as in being able to gauge, how much time they have left, and therefore can settle all their worldly affairs - gather and do as much good as possible before the time actually comes.

It also helps me sometimes, to be certain that it's not the end when we die - but it's the move to the next world, where insyaallah, if we are on the right path, we WILL meet each other again, insyaAllah. Helps me accept death more openly and with more courage.

In the meantime, we doakan panjang umur kita semua dalam iman and kesihatan and kebahagiaan - and mati pun dalam iman, and when the time comes, senangkan lah mati kita. And may we succeed in this world and the Next. Ameen.

Edleen said...

*hugs* Raudha.
let's just pray that Mummy will be alright. although whatever happens, we have to Redha.

hope to see you soon.
take care!

Cousin Ed

DadhaSpoke said...

Blossom,
Our thought is alike. Yes ajal is open to anyone and everyone; and yes, i also feel it is "easier" if you know when you are dying. I mean, for all you know, Uncle Hasan and my mum yg sakit, tomorrow my ajal sampai. Who knows? Allahu a'lam.The beauty of it all is, Allah has made it unknown.

But I felt numb when I get to know someone I care or someone I know is dying or died unexpectedly.
Like Aunty Rabiah tu, didnt see her so sickly. So is Uncle Hasan.

So now that my mummy had respiratory problems again, I dont kow what to FEEL.

DadhaSpoke said...

Ed,
As at now, mum is fine. Only her diabetes needs extra attention.